he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
