The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
