I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
