I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
