Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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