I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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