Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
