Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
