I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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