Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
