Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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