Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
