The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
