i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
