your room smells of hookers.
And success
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
