this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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