apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
