How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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