I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
