If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
