If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
