Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
