when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
