JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
