Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
