Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
