I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
