whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
