Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
