@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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