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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
