Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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