If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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