Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
