i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
