Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're like the curious george of whores
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
