I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
