why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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