just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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