if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
