I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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