i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
