i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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