and you said cock pushups were impossible
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
