At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
