are you so shy because you have an std?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
