I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
