I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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