Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no you cant smoke seaweed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
