I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
