i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You made out with two different species that night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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