Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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