I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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