Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
