we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
