i permit you to call me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
