she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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