I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
