So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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