her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
