I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bring me that man meat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize