Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
