Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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