I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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