i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i believe in u and ur pee
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
