I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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