dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
