First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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