Welp...herpes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
