So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
