I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
