I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
