it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
