shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
