kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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