she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
