I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
