I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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