I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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