is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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