Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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