He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
